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In Depth Information
I found some SHEETS and told the clerk, LEN FISHER, that I could FIND a LOWER price online. He looked at
the CEILING, sighed, and said, “NA, I can't MATCH it ACOS I'm NOT the manager AND don't have the PROPER
POWER OR RANK. I must CELL it at the EXACT PRICE that's listed, not a DOLLAR LOWER — AND that's a
TRUE FACT. Can you SUBSTITUTE something else OR must it be the EXACT PRODUCT? Perhaps some rat
POISSON? OR a slice of PI?”
“IRR . . . that makes no sense. Are you for real?” I asked.
“Yes, sir, IMREAL. Hold on a SEC AND I'll send a TEXT message using our secret CODE AND try to ROUNDUP
the FLOOR manager.”
“BAHTTEXT!” I wondered: ISTEXT the best method of contacting him?
Apparently so, because the store manager appeared within a SECOND. He was just ROMAN ROUND, checking
out the store. He was a TRIM man with LARGE ABS, a dark TAN, AND a moustache on his UPPER lip. The
TYPE who likes to look in the MIRR. Nothing special about his eyes, though. Just STANDARDIZE.
“My name is MAX T. PEARSON. Is there SUM way I can help you TODAY?” he asked with a smile.
I showed him the SHEETS AND said, “Hello, I'm KURT N. BESSELY. I just want to buy DPRODUCT, AND your
employee won't YIELD on the PRICE.”
The manager said, “To you, that ISODD AND probably seems off-BASE, but it ISLOGICAL to me because of our
store policies. Be assured, however, that you can COUNT on me. I won't waste your TIME with FALSE promises,
AND I have CONFIDENCE I can help. Buying SHEETS shouldn't be that COMPLEX, AND I want you to be satis-
fied to DMAX. Wanting a discount isn't a SIN. IF you'd like a LOWER PRICE, just ASC.”
“IF you do me a SMALL favor AND LOWER the PRICE by five PERCENTILE buy the SHEETS,” I offered.
“No PROB,” he replied.
Net EFFECT? I give MAXA lot of credit for a better than AVERAGE shopping experience. He FIXED the problem,
AND the store has a CONVERT. I spent less than an HOUR shopping, RECEIVED good service, AND I RATE
them highly. I'll be back during their end-of-year sale that runs from OCT2DEC.
Best of all, I was able to REPLACE my SHEETS, AND I don't use ACOT. When the FORECAST calls for a drop of
30 DEGREES, I like to be under COVAR with a LOG burning in the fireplace for the DURATION.
Web functions
The Web category is new to Excel 2013 and includes three functions that deal with
Internet-related topics.
Other function categories
In addition to the function categories described previously, Excel includes four other categories that may not ap-
pear in the Paste Function dialog box: Commands, Customizing, Macro Control, and DDE/External. These cat-
egories appear to be holdovers from older versions of Excel. If you create a custom function, you can assign it
to one of these categories. In addition, you may see other function categories created by macros.
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